


Never Again: A Beautiful Secret

by captkatebae



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s02e25 Resolutions, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 21:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17475215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captkatebae/pseuds/captkatebae
Summary: During Resolutions, Chakotay devotes himself to Kathryn through the words of his Angry Warrior Legend.  Does Kathryn ever reciprocate those feelings?





	Never Again: A Beautiful Secret

**Author's Note:**

> For so many reasons, I shy away from the "extra" or "added" scene to Resolutions. For one thing, it's nice to create our own head canon of what happened between the time of the Angry Warrior Legend and the two of them getting beamed back up to Voyager. And there are already sooooo many Resolutions ff's out there, it's difficult to be original. But after watching it recently - I was moved. So here it is.
> 
> And, it wouldn't be nearly what it is without the awesome beta from TheShorty. Hopefully my adjustments live up to expectations.

NEW EARTH

=/\=

Her step was light as she navigated in the dark. The leaves rustled gently with the lightest touch of her fingertips over them. She had come to know the area well, like the back of her hand as the old adage went. Kathryn wasn’t sure she would find him here; it was so quiet. The silence was broken with an echoing snap of a small branch giving way to her foot. A shadow of movement at the intruding sound reassured her of his presence. 

His broad silhouette cast a shadow in the pale white light of the moon.

Chakotay had been working on his next project, even though the first time he had mentioned it to her was just a couple days ago. Wood was laid out in front of her with the shell of a boat. The seat was already taking shape. Amongst his handiwork, he sat contemplative quiet.

Musical chirping from insects filled the air. She hated to break the calm invoked by the repetitive sounds, but she knew he wouldn’t be the first to speak.

“Saying goodbye?” She stood beside the boat now, looking down upon him. The moonlight cast just enough light for her to see his eyes as his gaze turned toward her.

He nodded in gentle acknowledgment.

“May I join you?”

He reached for her hand then, something she had become accustomed to on New Earth. Grasping it, she maneuvered into the boat to sit by his side.

She slumped down next to him. Sitting quietly, she surveyed the materials around her. Just two days ago, they had been excited for their next adventure – a boat trip down the river in further exploration of New Earth, in further exploration of their relationship. The excitement raced through her again, electrifying her senses as she remembered the possibilities. His enthusiasm had been palpable as he spoke through the specifics of their trip.

The fuzzy chirp of a comm badge shattered that.

With the memory subsiding, Kathryn gulped down her disappointment before asking, “Are you packed?”

“I finished this afternoon. You?”

“Besides my uniform, it’s all been stowed away. I had to brush the dust off of it, ya know?”

He laughed gently, then turned more serious, “I didn’t think I would be wearing it again, in all truthfulness.”

She nodded in full understanding. The same was true for her, even if it took her longer to realize. She didn’t want to get rid of it so she had buried the wool uniform at the bottom of her clothing chest. It had become more of a memento than something she thought she would wear again. 

Chakotay turned to look at her this time. “Are you ready? Ready to go back to Voyager?”

She wasn’t shocked by his question, but she was shocked by her overwhelming feelings towards the question. “Not as much as I should be,” she replied, looking into his eyes and then down at her entwined hands. A part of her felt guilty admitting it. 

“With as much time as you spent looking for a cure, I have to say I’m surprised.” 

“That makes two of us,” she turned to him again. There was sadness in his eyes when there should have been joy. Placing her hand on his chest, she spoke his name softly, “Chakotay.” Silence ensued with a lack of words to assuage the sorrow she had seen. 

While their relationship transformed on New Earth, their ability to read each other remained steadfast and strong. A captain and first officer reaching quiet conclusions in emergency situations was a talent they had mastered while still on Voyager, and it served them well in their current situation too. 

A serene calm surrounded them as they let go of their disappointment, there, in the silence. The desire for the new and exhilarating advancement of their relationship was snuffed out, long before there was a chance for it burn. That desirous flame was replaced with the numb realization of what tomorrow would bring.

Finally breaking their gaze, he looked down at her hand. Her skin was pale as he covered her hand with his own. 

On New Earth, their hands together was an acknowledgment of his commitment to her. It was a gesture she recognized. 

She tilted her head, trying to reach his eyes again. “Should we talk about it?”

Chakotay turned the corner of his mouth up in a half smile. “You know how I feel about talking. We both know what needs to happen – what is there worth talking about?”

His words stilled her. He was right. But did Chakotay have any idea that as much as this hurt him, it devastated her?! The attraction was there—both physical and emotional— but she had to be stern with herself as his captain. She had a crew to care for that came before her personal life. 

This life had been so completely different. New Earth became a host to new beginnings. She had gone as far as building their future in her mind – one that enlivened her, made her feel safe, made her feel loved. That dream now had to be forced, kicking and screaming, back into its box. 

Kathryn, alone in her bed, cried the night Tuvok had contacted them. Her emotions were confused and raw. To put to rest her hopes, she had allowed them to escape in the form of drops that wet her pillow and dried, never to surface again. As so many other times in life, she said her goodbye alone. 

It hadn’t been fair to him. She had never told him – it was so new and she thought they had time.

“I want to tell you this,” she said, determined. “I want to tell you before I’m can’t anymore.”

She had been waiting – waiting for the perfect time, the perfect place. Now…that would never come.

“Kathryn?” He prompted, after she had gone quiet.

“This,” she started a bit shaky, “this is not easy for me to say. And it might be a big mistake knowing where we will be tomorrow.” Her gaze stayed focused on him, emboldened by the look in his chocolate eyes that pleaded with her to continue. “I was waiting Chakotay, for that perfect moment. I wanted to tell you like you told me… I wanted my words to be special, but it should have been sooner.” She lost her conviction as her voice trailed off.

“Hey,” he responded softly, lifting her chin slightly as his thumb traced her jawline. “Look at me Kathryn. It’s okay. When you are good and ready, you’ll tell me.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think I will if I don’t tell you now.” Her heart broke, knowing it was the truth. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—speak these words back on Voyager. “I think you know how I feel, but you deserve to hear it.”

“Alright, but only if you want to.”

“Still looking out for me.” She smiled as she let her cheek rest in his hand, absorbing the security he offered. 

Kathryn felt the impulse to stand. As she stood, Chakotay looked at her quizzically until she turned to face him and, lifting the hem of her dress raised her leg to straddle him.  
“Kathryn, what are you doing?” He spread his arms in front of him, unsure of where to place his hands.

“What does it look like?” she asked, lowering herself onto his lap.

He wrapped his arms around her gingerly. “I’ll be honest Kathryn… this may not be the best spot to sit and have a conversation,” he stuttered.

Eye to eye with him, she allowed her arms to drape over his shoulders. “I wanted your full attention.”

“Every bit of me is at full attention,” he murmured knowingly.

She bit her lower lip, fully aware of the context of his words. “One thing at a time,” she warned him. The mood was a bit lighter and she quirked a half smile at him. “God, why is this so hard for me? Especially when it’s you sitting in front of me?”

That caused him to grin, dimples and all. Nothing encouraged her more than his cherished smile.

She took a deep breath and started again. “I had no idea what you being my First Officer was going to mean to me. When I made that decision, it was a shot in the dark – me being hopeful that it would all come together and work. And somehow, so quickly, it did come together. In the beginning, I thought we were lucky, but now I know the truth. It was you, Chakotay. You’ve been my life line the entire journey.” 

His eyes glistened. When he opened his mouth to speak, she placed a single finger to his lips. 

“Let me finish. There have been times over these past couple of years where I felt I might drown, and it’s been you that’s picked me up and lifted me up in so, so many ways. Even though you’ve made my life as Captain bearable, it’s even more than that.”

She tilted towards him, resting her cheek against his as she softly uttered her last words. “Chakotay, you are the best decision I’ve ever made – one that I was happily ready to spend the rest of my life with, here. Even though circumstances have changed for us, I want you to know that my serenity still means you in my life, every day.” 

Like a moth to a flame, they were drawn to one another. The kiss was inevitable. A soft, “Kathryn,” left his lips just before he moved to claim hers. 

She allowed herself the indulgence in the caress of his lips. With her eyes closed, she tasted him, breathed him in as her lips parted, gently asking for more.

Their desire deepened along with the kiss. His fingertips trailed down her jawline and along her neck to finally grasp her shoulder. His other hand held her waist, pulling her against him as she rolled her hips.

Kathryn’s fingers knitted into his hair, holding onto him as if he would vanish, like a dream, if she let go. She felt him pull away to catch his breath. With eyes still closed, their foreheads touched slightly. 

He was hesitant. “Kathryn, should we…” he trailed off not wanting to finish.

Brushing away the cloudy haze of her desire she attempted to gain her rational. Is this a mistake? Most likely it was. How unfair for both of them. He devoted himself to her and she had just given herself in word and heart to him – how could they not enjoy this last bit of precious time together?

Her inaudible response came from her heart. Letting her nails lightly graze down his neck, she tilted her head, a gentle nod, before her lips took his again. 

This time there was no turning back. 

He was relentless: touching, feeling, tweaking and grazing her ivory skin with his broad, encompassing hands. Her soft sounds encouraged his mouth to follow; their clothing was peeled away from hot skin and thrown overboard. 

They moved together within the boat – the boat that was meant to take them away. In many ways it did just that, her lean figure straddling his muscular body as they road into divine ecstasy. 

This night on New Earth marked the first of many moonlit boat rides.

**********

Their last gaze at one another was quiet, yet spoke volumes. They each made a promise to the other, sealed in the bond of a man and woman becoming one. They said goodbye to their future here, hearts heavy in their grief. 

But a promise of devotion remained.

“Janeway to Voyager. Two to beam up.”


End file.
